Roberto Badillo

A new year

2012-01-05T18:54:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year. 2012 just might be the best year of my life since the summer of 1984 - the summer of 1985. And with that said 2011 sucked ass. But much like falling off a bike it has taught me a lot. For one, not to give up. Even when u think things will never change and ur life is headed in a different direction. It also taught me that you have to make you happy. I know that sounds very cliched but it's the truth. No one will ever make u feel like u can make u feel. About anything. I compare it to a banana. Someone can describe a bananas taste to u for days and u still couldn't comprehend it. But the second u bite into one........omg. Then u get it. You have to experience it. And you have to go thru things to get to things. That's what I was not realizing. That is what its all about. U have to go thru things to get to things. Period. People can tell u and advice u all day. But YOU have to do it. And by no means do I mean that people's advice is not helpful. It should be like a coach calling in a play. He calls it, u do it. But sometimes, there's a blitz and u have to alter the play. But no matter what the outcome, YOU are the one out there throwing the ball. So u know what u need. And last year had been like that for me. I made major major mistakes. But I've learned. And learning from mistakes are things I think I do, but for the most part I don't. But this time I did. My life has a new view ahead of it. New purpose. And I have someone by my side that loves me and I love her. Instead of coexisting, we exist as one. Everyone's story is different. And not everyone will find their road in life. It takes time. Heartbreak. Loss. Communication. And forgiveness. Once u have those things in their places, ur road is wide open to u. Believe me, I lived with bad decisions and missed opportunities. But life is in front of u and the past is behind. And with the right co-pilot, the roads are endless.

wrote while listening to Aerosmith's "Dream On"

2012

2012-01-01T11:16:00.001-05:00

Fuck 2011... I can easily say with full conviction that this year was one of the worst years of my life. Not even on some dramatic shit... just straight up horrid. Stoked for 2012... lets do this.

Here's the thing...

2011-12-21T06:54:00.002-05:00

I never stopped loving her. And I won't.

ONE day

2011-12-12T20:25:00.001-05:00

I knew ONE day these lyrics would totally fit and that day has come:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=galguhF_AZ4

Is it getting better
Or do you feel the same
Will it make it easier on you now
You got someone to blame
You say...

One love
One life
When it's one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don't care for it

Did I disappoint you
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Well it's...

Too late
Tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One...
Have you come here for forgiveness
Have you come to raise the dead
Have you come here to play Jesus
To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much
More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now it's all I got
We're one
But we're not the same
Well we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt
One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters
Brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other

One...life

One

See...

2011-12-11T04:48:00.002-05:00

There are 2 things I couldn't understand when I was 11 years old. !. Why my parents were getting divorced. I guess at that age they wanna spare u all the details of an adulterous affair. The second thing I couldn't understand was why Led Zeppelin couldn't go on without John Bohnam as their drummer. I figured all drummers were the same, right? Page and Plant were the super stars of that group anyway, as far as I was concerned. So why not throw in Joe Blow from some obscure British band and keep chugging along. Well, it took me years to realize why. And the reason is, u can't replace what works. There's a certain chemistry that gels when the right people get together. It's magic. Like the 1927 Yankees. The 72 Dolphins. And the 1998 Chicago Bulls. When people get together and it works...it just works. And how I came to know that was through my relationships. When something is going good, I always seem to sabotage it some how. I always think the grass is greener else where. And I really think it's deep in my brain somewhere that thinks that cause I never say it out loud to myself. It just creeps into my psyche. But let me tell u folks.......IT'S NEVER BETTER THAN WHEN U HAVE IT GOOD!!!!! When u got it good, ride it out!! See where it takes u. Cause now i know that those things that pop up along the way are just tests. Road blocks. Distractions. They aren't real. What u have is real. And if what u have is not meant to be, let it go for the simple reason of it's not working. Not for anyone else. Cause what u "think" is better....is really not. It's just "different" and different is kinda refreshing. And THAT'S where it gets u. Cause that "different" is gonna turn into the same ole. And ur always gonna say to ur self, man, it's not what I thought. But by then its' too late. Hearts are broken. Lives are destroyed. And worse of all, people have moved on. Cause in the back of ur head ur thinking, "that cab is just outside, if i run real fast I'll catch it and get back in". But the thing is, it's not. It's gone. And as u know all those cabs look the same but they have different drivers. Too late. Love lost. So when u got something good and worth fighting for, stick with it. Trust me. Take it from a guy that's had a few bad relationships, there's no replacing John Bohnam.

written while listening to- "For Your Love" by Led Zeppelin off the Presence album

I've been thinking...

2011-11-28T17:53:00.002-05:00

I'm not a bad guy. I don't claim to be a saint, but I'm not a bad guy. Theres things that I do to myself that are self inflicted. Like the song says.."my pain is self chosen" Well, not anymore. I'm not gonna be that guy. I have made rash and harsh choices, but I have to live with them. If I am not in someones NOW plan, I'm not with that person. As much as it pains me, I will not be second choice, third choice to ANYONE. If u can't make me feel like #1, then u don't deserve me. PERIOD. No questions. When u want something u go for it. Yeah, there are obstacles, but u let that person know this is a 3 legged race and we are tied together. U go down, I go down! We are one. This is all my doing. No one elses. When the writings on the wall and u choose to ignore it...who else can u blame. I said it before folks, where there's smoke there's fire. ALWAYS! And if it's a false alarm, show me why it is. If u choose not to, see ya. I do not have time for this. At 42 I am still young enough to find someone that wants me for me and will commit to me. It might not happen tomorrow or next week, but it will happen. No time for half promises and empty wishes. No fucking way. I know what I want. If u can't give it to me, have a nice life. Like I said, I'm not a bad guy and I'm not gonna lose my self respect for anyone. Did that too much already. Way toooooo much. Life is too short. Love is too great. I tell ya people....be with someone that wants to be with u. REGARDLESS. LIVE LIFE FULLY!!!!!!

Peace!!!!
RMB

written while listening to "River of Deceit" by Mad Season.

A feeling....

2011-11-27T10:57:00.003-05:00

There is this feeling i have.......hard to describe. A feeling of uncertainty. Uneasy. I know why I have it. But I also know I don't want it. Nobody wants to feel unsure. I mean, there's certain cases when being uncertain is unavoidable. Like when someones in surgery or when u first step on that plane. It's an uneasy feeling that u kinda can't avoid. But when your uneasy feeling is dependent on someone elses actions....that is hard. But you know what, theres really nothing I can do about it. Worrying solves nothing. Never has. Never will. I know who I am. I know what I can be. At this point in my life I know I will make someone happy. I know someone will make me happy. I can only be me. The hardest thing is that pit in your stomach. The not really knowing. The uncertainty. But u can't let it get to you. Life will move on. Tomorrow the sun will rise. And life WILL move forward with or without u. So like pretty much everyones goal in life, try to find someone that wants to be with u. For u. Good, bad, ugly. Cause we're all not meant to be alone. And when that person starts looking, they know where to find u.
RMB

written while listening to Sade- The Moon and the sky

It's tough.....

2011-11-26T20:41:00.003-05:00

Life is something that should not be taken lightly. As I grow older I always thought the answers would come easier. Not true. The answers are tougher. You think cause of experience that u know how to do and react to certain things. But I, I always seem to over react. I gotta learn how to let things be. I get so caught up in things that I do more damage than good. If things are meant to be, then they will be. Thats just what it is. You can't always go chasing something. Sometimes u have to just let it be and let it lay. If it was meant to be yours, if it was meant to be it will be. Period. At 42 I thought I would've been with a kid and the love of my life. Not so. The kid thing never really appealed to me and the love of my life, well shes gone. So what do I have left? Nothing. Maybe one day I will get it right. Maybe one day everything will be clear and this haze will lift. But, it's waiting for that day that sux. I'm very impatient. A bad quality to have. It's a quality that makes u make rash decisions. And those decisions carry consequences. And if u rack up enough of those......then u got problems. I think the best thing for me to do is not rack up so many of those consequences. I'm just gonna LIVE. Cause really folks, at the end of the day, thats all we can do. Move forward. Keep on pushing. If it's all meant to be, it will be. I really can't do anything. I'm the person who I am. There sure are things I can do to make things a little better. But, at the end of the day I'm me. I'm not perfect. Far from it, but lord knows I'm trying to do the right thing. And It always seemd to ebb and flow. Good and bad. But thats life aint it??? Taking the good with the bad and pushing forward. I've never felt this way in all my life. Confused. Angry. Hurt. Sorry. I just want it to work out. And only i can do that. Good or bad the outcome, only I can make this good or bad. And as I sit and write this, I want it to be good. But I don't wanna hurt anymore. And I really don't wanna hurt anyone else anymore. I've hurt a lot of people on my life. And karma is having its way with me like Tyson vs Spinks. And I can't take much more of this. I can only try to fix one thing at a time...and LIVE. Cause at the end of the day...thats the goal...right folks?????
P.S.- if ur reading this and I've hurt u in some way, believe me, I am truly sorry.

written while listening to "Wiser Time" by The Black Crowes

It's all about....

2011-11-24T22:55:00.003-05:00

It's all about family. No matter who u are. If your not close to ur family I bet ur pretty lost. No one will put up with all ur shit like ur family. They love hard and forget often. On this Thanksgiving I'm so grateful to be surrounded by my great family. And throw in the great friends I have and it makes for a perfect recipe of happiness. My friends keep me grounded and tell me like it is. I sometimes don't wanna hear what they have to say, but for the most part they are right most of the time. I thank God I have them in my life. My friend Corey came over with his new son Riot. Such a beautiful boy. With gorgeous blue eyes. As he sat on my lap I wondered if I woulda had a kid, how different I would be. I'm sure I would be more patient and tolerable. I would've loved to seen what he would look like. With who would i have had it with? Oh well.....
Things have been better then they have been for a bit. Day by day. Forgive and forget. Move forward. Things do get easier with time. I'm in a better place. Much better. Life throws u so many curve balls that u think that if u dont swing at all of them u might miss something. But it's just the opposite. Sometimes u get 4 balls and u walk. And thats what I've done. Everything comes out in the wash. Lies ALWAYS.....ALWAYS are brought to the light. They never stay dark for long. And u will see that the lie is NEVER as bad as the truth. But some people will never learn that lesson. And keep fooling themselves and the ones around them. But what liars don't usually realize is that they are only fooling themselves. Cause almost always the people around them know they are lying. They just don't wanna call them out on it. But thats a lesson some people will never learn. And that brings me back to family and TRUE friends. I don't want anyone to blow smoke up my ass cause they are afraid of my reaction. My friends tell me how it is. My family too. And the best part is when I fall on my face the first hand i see reaching down to pull me up thru the cloud of dust is the person that told me "i told ya so".....and every now and then in life u need that. A dose of reality. Some people never get it........some people just never get it. Happy Thanksgiving.

Yeah......

2011-11-21T19:12:00.003-05:00

Whats funny is a mans brain. A mans brain is ONLY understood by men. We make certain decisions based simply on one thing. And that one thing is PRIDE. But saying that it's very stupid. And thats why men need women. Cause if it was only men on this earth, we would not exist, assuming we could procreate some how. Women are the answer and the the fall of every man. Every powerful man has had an equally powerful woman by his side. I think my problem was that i just never let my woman take the reigns. Being a Leo and stubborn beyond belief I somehow thought my way was the right way. After 42 years of failure, I think I found that out. I have loved some great women in my life and some bad ones. Been with some for the right reasons and some for HORRIBLE reasons. I always said to myself, the heart wants what the heart wants. Bullshit. I want what I want. Maybe after all this time I've been doing it wrong. Looking for the wrong thing. My hearts been shattered so many times I know there are pieces missing. Its there incomplete. Always has been. Waiting for the right one to come along. And just when i thought i did, i would see the grass greener on the other side. Why is that? Whats better? Why do I think that? A friend of mine calls me "dos anos" it means 2 years in spanish. Thats how long i usually last. This last one i really tried. I swear i did. Did what I thought was right. I know I made some mistakes, but my heart was true. Swear it was. This behavior was odd for me. Being who I am, I usually don't have a problem letting go. But all my letting go's have been at the expense of someones broken heart. And this letting go is at the expense of MY BROKEN HEART. But time will heal. It always does. Thank God. But the scar tissue will stay. To hopefully remind me of the pain i went thru. It's funny cause when these things initially happen, u wish all kinds of things on the person. Death. Disease. Broken limb. But in reality all i want is for this person to realize whats happened here. And i know with all my heart that will NEVER happen. And thats what makes me the saddest. I thought I had this connection with this person for so long and all of a sudden its gone. It's the thing u take for granted. Like assuming they will be there. Always. But she's not. And she won't. And that to me is the most heart breaking thing in all this. Bad influences and bad people can do that to someone. I've heard a ton of " I told u so's" and the million more, "your better off". But, it's not ever that easy. Being the man I am, I want finality. Or maybe an answer to why. But then I remember the hearts I've broken. And my reason why sucked just as bad. It's never a good enough reason. Never. Your always the dick. The bad guy. But thats the problem. You'll never hear the right answer cause.......there is no right answer. Cause every answer leads to WHY...........Why did u do this? Why did u lie to me? Why didn't u just be honest for once? Why did u string me along for so long? And theres never an answer that will make the pain go away. Never. It just confuses u more and gives u more sleepless nights. But time..........time heals. It always does. I've felt this way before. Same feelings. Same rage. Same questions. Same heart break. So I know I'll be ok. And I'm not looking for sympathy. Not looking for a pat on the back. I'm just looking for someone to love me and show theres green grass all over. You just have to water it.....weed it.....fertilize it and it will be greener then any grass on any other side of any fence. Love conquers all. Fuck you pain.

RMB....while listening to Silver Springs- Fleetwood Mac and Best of You- Foo Fighters.

Hope...

2011-11-19T16:01:00.001-05:00

I woke up this morning thinking People Suck. And at 11:43 am they still do. Not all people but "people". Life is hard enough without all the extra bullshit that someone gives u. As I get older I understand what I want from someone. More than a nice figure or material things, what I want is the truth. That's it. Nothing more. Even if the truth sux ass. Just the truth. Having had most of the shitiest relationships of my life in the past 10 years that's what I'm looking for in the next one. I know some of the mistakes I've made. And I know I've let things go on when I knew well enough to stop it. But love does something to u folks. That thing it does is it gives u, hope. And hope is a motherfucker. Because hope is the high wire of life. When u live on hope ur not living. Ur hoping. Hoping she calls. Hoping she comes. Hoping she loves me. Hope makes u think twice. Hope makes u see things that aren't necessarily there. Hope fucks with u. Just like pride. Hope tells u it just might happen. But when hope is all u got in ur relationship u don't have hope. And u don't have a relationship. Cause in a real relationship hope does not exist. Cause what u hoped for is right there besides u. Hope makes up for reality. The reality that things are not as they seem. The reality that love doesn't live here. Never has. All it was was........hope. And hope in love is more brutal then a thousand deaths. Because in death u have finality. But in hope all u have is....hope. And that sux. When all u want is for someone to stop that hope and make it into reality. To tell u, this is what u hoped for. When someone opens ur eyes and makes u realize making someone hope in u is one of the cruelest things u can do. No one should feel this. And when one does it feels like the first time all over again. I wish it was like a familiar dish where u knew the taste of it. But it's like a brand new torture. When it hits its the familiar pain that u hoped u would never feel again. Truth kills hope. Cause truth is the truth and u can't argue with that. Whether good or bad the truth makes that hope go away. And that is a good thing. Cause hope sux. And so do people........RMB

-Written while listening to Landslide by Stevie Nicks.

Yeah me....

2010-12-14T22:46:00.002-05:00

For as long as I've been going inside peoples houses, I've always noticed one thing. Who lived there. And by that I mean, what type of person lives there. Generally most older people are the same. Either old stuff in stuffy apartment or newer stuff in nicer apartment. But when it comes to "younger" people, there are a few different types. And I can usually tell this the second I walk in the door. Every house/apt has a smell. And by that smell I can tell who lives there. Whether they're black, white, Hispanic, female, male, young couple, old man, young man, etc.... And the one that kinda always intrigued me was the single man. Old or young. The young ones are pretty much always messy. They have some cool electronics around. Always a nice TV. Shoes in front of the couch. But you can tell he's always on the move. Never there, always seemed like he just left. Faint smell of Axe body wash still in the air. But the one that kinda hit me today was the old single man. And single by way of widower or divorcee is a huge difference. The poor widower is in constant mourning. Tons of photos of his deceased wife all over the place. Mr. Forman who I see every month, and just saw recently, has photos of the late Mrs. Forman in his kitchen, his bathroom mirror, by his bed. He has a mini shrine to her in the family room with a t-shirt laid out that say's "I'm Ronnie" in iron on letters. That was her name. You can tell it was part of a pair. There's also Mr. Jeffer who whenever I came to see him, would always be on the verge of tears. Same M.O., pictures of the late Mrs. Jeffer all over. In places you knew he would want to see only her face. Closet, eye level on the vanity mirror and same goes for the fridge. Always eye level. The divorcee, is just messy. House smells of not-washed-enough sheets. News papers around. Golf clubs in the corner. Shoes by the front door (cause thats what he was told to do). But what always got me was the "set up" There is always a set up. Men don't like change too much. A certain chair, a certain drink, a certain feel. And one thing I noticed is their kitchen set up. men generally don't cook too much. Older ones. So I always see the same things. 1 glass. 1 frying pan. 1 plate. 1 fork. 1 spoon. 1 coffee cup. Mostly always washed and turned over so to dry faster. And that's something that is the same in all of them. To me it always cried out "loneliness" It said to me, "I have no one and no one will have me" It made me think, this man spends his nights alone and watches TV till he feels he can no longer keep his head up and then goes to bed. On his one side. Rarely drifting over to the other side. With his one toothbrush and one bottle of shampoo/conditioner in one. This "mans" life always struck me as sad. So, today as I got home, I got my mail, petted my dogs, took a shower, checked my emails and made my way downstairs. And as I opened my fridge to get my frozen lasagna, I turned around and noticed, I have become one of them. There was my one glass, my one plate, my one fork sitting by the sink. Turned over. I stood there for a second and wondered how I'd gotten here. Something I'd seen so many times and thought "that will never be me" had become, me. Loneliness has taken a hold of me. And as I sit here on my one side of the bed, it's not the person I want to be. But maybe it's the person I have to be. All my choices in life have brought me to this point here. No one to blame, no one to mourn. It's just me. Me, in the bed I made and of which I lie in now. Alone.

Merry Christmas

Pescos, Texas

2010-11-13T08:59:00.002-05:00

Here I am. Midway thru my trip with Jeramy and Oliver. It's been filled with fun and heartbreak. We had to put our dog Sheila down yesterday. She was 15 years old and was in too much pain. It kills me that that happened when I wasn't there. But I have comfort in seeing her ok and telling her goodbye. Little did I know it was our last goodbye. Every morning I would wake up and go downstairs and wonder if she made it thru the night. She was so old but so full of life. My niece Chantel had the heart breaking task of taking her to the vet. She said the doctor said it was the best thing for her. Chantel told me as they tried to give her the injection, she kept pulling away her paw..... I'll miss u Sheila. Say hi to Destiny for me.

Well.....the trip has been kool. Like I figured I just wish we had more time to stop and see more things. More ops for more images. California was beautiful as always. I really love the feeling there. Nothing like staying in Malibu and waking up to those cliffs and amazing views. Tom and Nicole (jeramys sister) were very gracious hosts. Thanks! The rest of the trip so far has been mountains (which still fascinate me) and the plateaus of Texas. Love seeing this beautiful country of ours close up. I'll post pictures on my flickr account and on my facebook page. Thank you for reading. More from the road soon.....

RMB

Well, its happening....

2010-10-24T22:56:00.003-04:00

I'm finally taking a road trip across this beautiful country of ours. Next month I'm flying out to California (thanks to my friend Jeramy) and we will be driving back to Florida with his trusty side kick Oliver the golden retriever. It's only for 4 days but I'm sure we will make the most of it. We are planning on stopping at few places along the way. Including San Antonio and New Orleans. Both of which I have never been to. If any of you know me by now, you know this is the photographic opportunity I've been waiting for. What ever it is I fix my lens on, I'll be sure that it will have meaning and substance. Even though I have a feeling Jeramy and Ollie will be my main subjects. I'll be shooting some video also and trying to do some Geo mapping along the way with my iphone and flickr. I'm flying out there on Virgin, which in itself for me is worth it. I heard it's an amazing airline with tons of kool things for you to do. Including but not limited to wifi and real food. Thanks again JP. I wish we had more time, but sometimes the constraints of the clock give you more of a reason to capture things you wouldn't normally capture. I'm sure I'll be taking another road trip in my life, but until then, I need to think of this as my first and last. I wish I could stop by and see some friends along the way, but I'll have to save that for next time. I hope the weather cooperates with us and it's nice and cool. And with Jeramy's very "green" Audi A3, the pit stops will be few and far between. I've tried to map out some places along the way, but looking at that route on Google Earth is a little over whelming. So, I'll just try to focus on the places we will be visiting. My ipod is loaded up and my CF cards are ready to be filled. I'll try to post from the road. Please check my flickr, www.flickr.com/photos/rmb808 and this blog for updates. Talk to you soon.

That Feeling....

2010-09-07T21:30:00.003-04:00

I like that feeling I get when I'm driving and my mind starts to drift. It always seems to take me to a place I can't get to thru my normal thoughts. It's always a place I've forgotten about. Always from my youth. It's a feeling/memory of "omg". Like the smell of the lunch room when I was at park ridge elementary. Or a distant memory that has always been there but forgotten by my conscious mind. These to me, are the best memories. The ones u can remember off the bat are great too, but somehow I think ur mind tucks these other ones away far deep in your mind so they won't become just another memory. But a "feeling". Something truly treasured that shouldn't be exposed to your day to day thoughts. It would get homogenized with all your other memories of late night parties and girls u kissed. These are memories that let u know u lived. U did breath in that air exactly at that time. It's not a, "did that really happen" memory. That's why it comes to you in a daze. To me it always comes when I'm driving on the highway. Lost in myself. Not even noticing the exits as they fly by. Your attentive behind the wheel but your mind has lapsed into this hidden place. And the other thing about it is, it never lasts long enough. Once u realize ur there, it starts to fade away. Like the hunter who's been noticed by it's prey. Once I try to open that door a bit more, it's gone. Always that way. But, I know deep in my mind it's in there. A man once said u can take all my money, but u can't take my memories. That's all we have sometimes folks. That's all we have.......

Things are looking like this.....

2010-07-25T12:31:00.003-04:00

I need to photograph more. Looking at some work from other people is inspiring me. I do need a MUSE....hint hint. Always seem to work better when I got someone willing to pose for me and trust that I know what I'm doing. Looking forward to this week. Besides it being my birthday week, I'm hoping to get away and relax. Coming off a bit of a chaotic week. This week is gonna be great. My friend Emiliano got married in upstate NY and the pics I've seen are stunning. Wish I could have gone. All the best bro. Been playing Red Dead Redemption on my 360. Not much of a gamer, but, it truly is a fun game. And even better when you got an awesome posse leader like my man Devon. I've also been trying to gain some weight and working out a little more. Turning 41, I got to look to the future and try to stay in good health now, so I won't be sorry later. I just hope everything keeps working like it should well into old age. And....I'm also dying to have a lobster sandwich. I saw them making them on the Bobby Flay show and OMG....it looked so good. But, I don't know where to get a "real" good one. If anyone has any suggestions plz let me know. Or else I'll just have to make a trip to Maine myself. Oh, and I almost killed myself body surfing a couple weeks ago up in palm beach. Be careful out there. Those waves ain't no joke. Peace.........p.s. birthday gifts should be sent to my home address. B&N gift cards always a favorite.

And it's still the same......

2010-07-04T21:55:00.004-04:00

Man it hits you hard. Life.......is this what it's supposed to be? I have come to believe I pissed the big man off some how. Maybe it's just all my bad karma kicking me in my bony ass. Who was I kidding? Myself....I guess. The person I want to be with, doesn't seem to want to be with me. Or shall I say is not making it possible to be with me. There's nothing worse than feeling alone when you want someone. But it's me and my bad choices. All I think about is why? Why not? Why haven't u made it possible for us?? We've come this far and we're still in the same boat we were in months ago. Maybe it's me. I really think I was meant to be alone. Jennifer Benjamin wrote that to me on the back of her senior picture. Maybe she could see it then. All I have done in life is try to be happy. I'm turning 41 at the end of this month and I am no where better than i was last year. I'm sitting home alone on the 4th of July. But....it's because of decisions I've made. I am the fool. I let this keep happening. I am the enabler. It's my fault. No one else. When you hear so many words, you start to believe that it's gonna be different this time. But it's not. Like I said, maybe it's God's way of kicking my ass and making me look straight. It all can't be this bad.....can it?

Well.....

2010-04-20T21:03:00.003-04:00

Now with the news of my uncles cancer spreading and inoperable, it opens up a door I wish would stay closed. Death. Not that he's gonna die (cause he's not) but it just feels like life just kicks you right in the ass when you least need it. They are gonna start chemo on him now to shrink the cancer to see if they can remove it. Let's hope for the best. It just makes me think of all the things I go through. It seems kinda trivial, but I know in my world it's not. The things I'm going through, to me, seem very heavy. I start to question who I really am. At 40 one would think that the answer would be pretty easy. But, for me, it's a struggle. Am I some jealous lunatic that gets mad at, what seems everything? Or am I that guy who just doesn't give a fuck and moves on. It seems I'm caught somewhere in the middle. What I want is perfectly clear to me. But unfortunately, others don't see through my eyes. At 40 I would've thought I'd have a master plan and be following it to a T. I just want to be in love.....I mean love like it felt when I was a kid. That to me is the purest feeling of love. That "belly in knots" feeling. I don't know....maybe my life was meant to be alone. No kids, no partner. It just seems so sad that I can't get it right. I try to stay positive and look forward to a bright future, but something always seems to mess it up. I put myself in these situations too. So it's maybe my choices that need to analyzed. But, the heart wants what the heart wants. I just hate where I'm at right now. HATE IT. I gotta go........

2010-04-11T19:01:00.003-04:00

As I wait for my $22 pizza, I figured I'd write a few words. Phil just won the Masters and Tiger never really had a chance. This weekend flew by with Monday already knocking on my door. I wish I could just call in tomorrow and go to the beach, which I couldn't get to this weekend. Maybe call the whole week in and take a trip up to the mountains of west Virginia. (And maybe get killed) My photography is doing better, but still not enough. I gotta keep working on it. Feeling very influenced by Ryan McGinley's recent work Too bad no one wants to pose nude for me. Oh well. I wish I could speak more of whats really on my mind, but in due time. I see things looking up in my future and a turn in my luck. Thanks for looking.

RMB

2010-03-14T14:18:00.002-04:00

Sunday afternoon and getting over a cold. I sound like Barry White and Don Cornelius on a bad day. Oh well. Went out last night and stayed out a tad longer than I should have. But that's the price you pay for being with someone you wanna be with. Like Joe Walsh said, life's been good to me so far. It could be a lot worse and it could be a lot better. I'm kinda in the middle. I've got great friends and someone that loves me very much. My photography is not where I would like it to be, but that's my own fault. On my ipod I've been listening to Them Crooked Vultures and the "new" Hendrix. It's funny how his sister is pimping out his name on everything from boxers to pencils. Shame. That last album is good, but you can see why the stuff wasn't released. Just not up to snuff of the quality finished product he did with Eddie Kramer. Oh well. I've been trying to lay down some foundation to my life. I know, this should have been a long time coming...... but. As always my problem has been my patience. I have none for certain things. Like new camera lenses, arabic printed scarves and being with the one i love. But for other things I do. But i figured it just has to be one step at a time. Just like learning to walk again. Nothing can be accomplished in a rush, it takes time and patience. Well, hopefully this cold weather is on it's way out and we can all get our tans back. Well, back to the Tylenol and OJ. If you took the time to read this, thank you. If you didn't, then your not seeing this anyway.

2010-02-01T16:00:00.004-05:00

Man it's hard...... Life is what you make it, but what if all you've made is mistakes? Is my whole life a mistake? I mean am I really the failure I think i am? I always seem to be waiting for that "switch" to flip to say, "this is how it's done" but it never comes. My love life is in shambles, my finances are nil. It seems I'm running to stand still. For a brief moment in my life I felt it was gonna be ok, but as fast as it came, it went. I just seem to keep making mistake after mistake after mistake. It's like something in my mind can't put the brakes on something and say, THIS IS IT!!! I always wonder if people get drawn to me and realize what a messed up person I really am. I know things could be worse.....but things aren't better. I'm alone with all the bad choices I've made. No ones fault but my own. And I keep telling myself, all you need is someone to help you. To guide you, someone that loves u so much they will help you get over that hump and lead you to a semi normal life. But whenever I find someone, it just messes up. Things happen, my focus wains and my mind plays with me. I never thought I was the guy that thought the grass was greener on the other side, but maybe, just maybe I am. I don't like it. I'm 40...I wanna settle down. Not have any kids really, but I want someone that will be in my life everyday and show me I'm not such a bad person. And if so and so thinks you are, FUCK EM! I want Katherine Hepburn from "On Golden Pond". Someone that's not afraid to say, "Listen u asshole, this is what you need to do and I'm here to see and make sure you do it right!" All I want is to be happy, to have someone that i can see everyday and make choices with and feel the effect of those choices with. My mind has a way of saying things were better back then, with this person or that person. But if it was so, why did it fall apart? Why isn't she with me right now? What did I do to her that made her go away? I've had some great women in my life....really fantastic women. And everyone, i let go. Just like that. Why? Am I an eternal bachelor? No, I don't wanna be alone. Then what is it? I treat people bad. I'm selfish and I am very impatient. Maybe that's the reason. I mean people that I loved and loved me have really put up with a lot. One day my mom told me "I put up with it cause I'm your mother, nobody else is gonna". She is right. And shes the one that told me, you keep making the same mistake over and over again. When I was a little boy, my dad bought me a toy robot that blew smoke out of his mouth. I was DYING for it. An hour after i got it, I broke it. My dad looked at me and said, everything you touch you break. That's kinda always stuck with me. I know he was talking about the toy, but that phrase has always stuck with me. (And his other famous one "what u don't think can happen in a million years can happen in one second") Sometimes I just think, man I wanna be alone, get away. Recharge my batteries. But I dont wanna be alone, I want someone there to share things with and experience life with. This is coming from a guy that was married twice and both ex's remarried and have kids and seem so happy. I'm starting to think the problem is me. LOL. I wish there was a way to just clear my mind and think some other way. There seems to be a whole lot of "I wishes" in my life. Everyone that leaves me always seems soooo much happier and better off. I mean, it seems I'm remembered fondly, but why aren't they still here with me. Like my one ex's told me "Your selfish dude" In a relationship, it's give and take. Maybe I haven't gotten that part yet. A bunch of guys went to a strip club from work and celebrated a night out for the veterans that are in the company. My brother happens to be one. We had a 2 hour window of free drinks and such. Right at the 2 hour limit, my brother stood up, shook everyone's hand and started walking out. I stopped him and said "where are u going??" He said, home to my wife, I'm married. What can i say to that? From the guy who's failed at it twice.

2010-01-01T11:56:00.004-05:00

Well here we stand in 2010.....a new year, a new decade and for some, new beginnings. For some of us, we couldn't wait for 2009 to be over. Turning 40 has really been a life altering experience for me. Some call it mid-life, some call it a new lease on life. Whatever it is, for me, I'm still trying to figure out. So much has happened to me this year that it's hard to put it all in perspective. From the greatest of things to the worse of things. Thank God I didn't lose anyone to death and all my friends and family are healthy. It's just that mentally, it was a roller coaster ride disney would be proud of. On the bright side at least i have my health, I started a "new" job making more money and with some hard work and determination I'm sure I can save my house and be able to fix it up to what I want. But for if some reason some of that doesn't pan out, I still have people that love me and care for me, and for that I am truly grateful to be here in 2010. Friends like the ones I have are truly one in a million. Some judge, some don't. But they all realize that with all my bad decisions, I just want to be happy. I want to thank them all for giving me their great advice, even though most of the time I just listen to my heart. Hopefully this year I won't make so many of those bad choices and learn from past errors and that way I can finally be at peace with myself and lead the rest of these 40 years in happiness and good health. I've always said "history" is very important in friendships. I truly believe the people that are in your life were meant to be there. Life has a way of flushing out all the bad ones. That's why I always have my 5 or so close friends. All the rest are great acquaintances. I would love to meet new people, and thats one of the things I'm gonna try to focus on this new year. But my core friends will always be my life line. Through good and bad, at this point in my life you'd have to shoot my mom to lose my friendship. Like I said, I've lost some people that meant a lot to me and I also gained some. Through that evil they call Facebook, my life has forever changed. May all of you that read this prosper in the new year and remember that after your health and family, your friends are all you got. That's why whether I lost you or found you, I always want to be your friend. It doesn't have to be pretty, but just amicable. And one more thing....if I have 150 friends, why aren't more than 20 online at a time??

it's been a while

2009-09-29T15:27:00.003-04:00

It's been a while since my last post here. Gonna try to keep it up with some info on my recent activities. Not that they by any means are exciting. But for those of you that care...it's here for you. And I will be posting more of my photography on here. More day to day stuff. I'll be linking this from my Facebook page, so if you see something you like on here please let me know you saw it here. Thank you.

Things

2009-03-10T16:33:00.003-04:00

Over the past few months not much has changed. I am excited about a couple things. The one thing that always excites me is photography. Certain photographers always inspire. No matter what they do. On my short list Stephen Shore, Todd Hido, Nadav Kander and Emiliano Granado. I always need to take pictures. No matter what it is. And what lots of people don't realize, it's not the picture per se, it's the feeling. Kinda like sex :)

picture property of Emiliano Granado- all rights reserved

2008-11-09T14:30:00.003-05:00

i just love anything called MACH.

A jew, spicks, niggers and now a girl??!!

2008-10-16T22:19:00.004-04:00

Bad News Bears theme.mp3 - bad news bears, the

Maybe one of the best movies of the best movie decade ever. The Bad News Bears That's from a time when we weren't so fucking politically correct. People could take a joke and laugh certain things off. In a movie you could let the jokes and bad humor fly and everyone knew it was just a movie. But today you gotta watch everything you say. Everyone is so emotional. Grow a pair!!! I think the problem with me is I think everything is funny. I really do. I can find humor in most anything. Even when I'm depressed. Oh well. Things are ok and my new job is good. Certain things bother me, but I guess thats just part of it. Nothing is perfect. Right? oh....and the title of this post is quoted from Tanner in the movie. I think he was about 8 at the time. Priceless!!!!

Well,

2008-08-31T13:49:00.003-04:00

Last Thursday the 28th made it a year since my dog Destiny passed away. I still miss her everyday and think of her always. If there's an after life, I hope to see you there girl. Been taking lots of pictures but I still feel that it's not enough. Your pics are usually as good as your surroundings and my surroundings suck! Tried to look for some inspiration this morning, but with this hurricane off the coast the weather was pretty shitty. But, since I'm stuck here (for now), I might as well as dig deeper and find more things to document. I thought I would have a lot more to say but I just drew a blank. So I'll leave you with this, "If you ever want to make yourself feel a little better, think, there's always some one worse than you."

things

2008-08-24T22:42:00.003-04:00

Just wanted to post this shot of Dave from a shoot this weekend. Bruce Weber is without a doubt my favorite photographer. I truly think without seeing his work I wouldn't have become as fascinated with this medium as I am. Since I usually shoot girls, shooting Dave was a nice change. I'm sure I won't get as many hits on my flickr site as I do when I photograph girls. I think you can kind of see some Bruce influence in this shot. Through the camera it surely felt that way. Thank God I have the ability to take such photos and people actually wanna work with me. I have 3 shoots lined up for this week. And with my new job at this new exterminating company, I hope I have the energy to put my all in my pictures, just like Bruce.

just maybe....the dopest dance track EVER

2008-07-25T17:24:00.002-04:00

this is a gem only a select few have heard....Bobby Konders- "Nervous Acid"....Respect

this goes for whatever you do.......

2008-07-13T18:46:00.000-04:00

Canon 5d

2008-07-08T17:27:00.005-04:00

I acquired a beautiful Canon 5d and I'm truly in love. I know you don't need a lot of gear to make a great photo, but it doesn't hurt!!!!!! :) This thing is like a 44 magnum in your hands. Big, bulky, loud and in your face. The shutter sounds amazing. Not like the klinky shutter of other inferior cameras. Well, keep checking my http://www.robertobadillo.com/ for the photos. And my flickr page also www.flickr.com/photos/rmb808

Peace.

Night Life

2008-06-20T09:13:00.003-04:00

It's amazing how music and photography have the power to bring you back to time and place. Even if you never even been there. I can't tell you how many times when my Ipod is on shuffle and a certain song comes on and it just brings me back. I love that! I was just looking at some videos on you tube and I ran across some Paradise Garage videos and even though I never been there, when I heard Innerlife's "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" it just made me feel like I went there every weekend. I could just imagine that amazing sound system. I was fortunate enough to be down here in Florida when Nepenthe was open. For those of you that remember, it was truly THE BEST club. EVER. PERIOD. The vibe, the music, the people. It was a whole experience. For a "teen" club it had the vibe of the best disco in NYC. The sound system was made by the same guy (Richard Long) that put in the system at the Garage. The bass rumbled, the highs were sizzling. Pure perfection. The music was anything from Lime's "We're Gonna Love Tonite" to The Cult "She Sells Sanctuary" It was that diverse. The people that went there were from every ethnicity. And we all got along. Rarely any fights broke out. Music was the thing that brought everyone together. As corny as it sounds for an underage club, it was that good. There were alot of older people going also, cause the magic was just that good. If you wanna see some shots of the inside, check out the bad 80's movie "A Night in Heaven" The inside of the club is Nepenthe. Or check the video up top. Great times! I wish I was into photography that much back then. I wish I had some pictures of the inside. I have some of the outside when it was about to be torn down. Oh well, life goes on and on till the break of dawn............

The Sun Also Rises

2008-05-31T17:34:00.007-04:00

As usual about every 3 or 4 months I get on my Ernest Hemingway kick. Now I'm regretting not going to his house in Cuba when I visited there back in 2000. Well, I only had 5 days there and I spent 2 in Havana and the rest in Matanzas with my family. I did go have a mojito at la bodeguita del medio . And I did visit the hotel Ambos Mundos where he wrote "For Whom the Bell Tolls". But I really wanted to see his house Finca Vigia. Some people told me you really couldn't see too much cause they only let you see the inside through the windows. But I'm not positive. I still wanted to see it and photograph it. Well, now my chance is to go down to Key West and visit his house there. I've never been down to the keys . Here 34 years in Florida and never more south than The Falls down in Kendall. Oh well. Maybe in a couple weekends I'll drive down. It'll cost me a pretty penny with these gas prices, but you only live once. Then I can go to Illinois and Idaho to see his places there. But for those I'll have to wait till the Hemingway fever hits me again. Man I'd love to travel his travels and live some of his life and times. (without the alcohol and the manic depression). The photo I put up today is from an early morning rise from a few weeks ago. Couldn't sleep, so I went down to the beach and shot the sunrise. Nothing quite like seeing the sunrise or set. I prefer the setting sun but my lens won't reach Fort Myers. And the hours are better. Well, thanks for stopping by and stay beautiful.

New Post

2008-05-26T10:19:00.004-04:00

I haven't posted on for a while cause I usually post on my my space account. But since a majority of the world has there own dedicated blog site, I figured why not keep it going here. And plus I can post pictures and hot links here. Well for an update on what I've been up to just check out my my space. It hasn't changed much. Taking pictures and looking at life negatively :) Well to start I'll start with a pic that makes me smile and Im proud of. My mom. Shot with my rarely used Rolleiflex TLR. And please don't forget my photos on my flickr page. Enjoy

Blake shoot

2007-08-27T13:46:00.000-04:00

This is a shoot for the band Blake. The first one of a couple more. They sound great for such a young band. Check them out.

3rd Post

2007-02-22T00:55:00.001-05:00

Well, I am back. Before I start the song on my Ipod in Thomas Bangalder- Club Soda. Its been a pretty normal couple of days. I know I said I won't be posting everyday, but every few days. Just been working.....all the snow birds are back in town :( I know it means more income for Florida, but I'd rather pay an extra penny tax then deal with these fuckin tourists. Being an exterminator, I have to deal with the assholes all day. They don't wanna see one bug...not one ant!! Well guess what fuck-nut, this is Florida, not Montreal, Long Island or Conneticut. Your in the tropics!! Ever wonder why it's 88 degrees in February??? You like it like that right??? SO DO THE BUGS!!!!! They were here b4 us and they'll be here long after. They out number us about....10,000,000 to 1. So deal with it motherfuckers!! I know I have to bite my tongue, but if I had a dollar for everytime I heard...."I've never had a roach beore in my life and we've been coming here for 20 years!!" BULLSHIT. Everyone has bugs!! Everyone! Thats why there's a million different bug companys. By the Way mines called Bugs RX, let me know if you need me, I'll give you a great price:) Anyway, what can I do. I have to take some photos this weekend for a buddy of mine that owns this online marketing company.http://media55.com/ One of his guys cut out on him, he heard I got a new camera, so he asked. Hopefully it'll turn out alright. Maybe I can get some connections from this, get something started. Again if anyone needs some pics, I'm your man. I need the practice....No weddings or kids parties though..lol Pantera "Mouth for War" on now. I would love to shoot some shots of some of my friends...more than I do already. Went to the print shop but just cleaned some screens. Didn't get anyshirts done. I gotta print up some more of the designs I got already...Gotta get on Joe to hurry with my site. Bought the Departed yesterday. Great movie, saw it in the theater. I hope Scorsese finally wins the oscar for this. I think Leo should get one too. He's way over do. He's had some great roles. Howard Stern is on vacation. I've never seen anyone take more time off. I guess with 500 mil he can do what he wants. Miss hearing him though. Still looking for my flash. Searched Joe's house yeaterday...nothing. I guess it has to be here. I'd really hate to drop anymore cash on this camera. I just wanna be prepared for this thing on Saturday. Better to bring too much then not enough. I know I gave it to Joe, but I could be wrong. I can't remember that long ago. I can barley remembr yesterday.....all that weed in high school. Well folks if you came by, thanks again. I really appreciate you comin by...I truly do. Please leave a comment if you want and I put some new pics up on my flickr site...http://www.flickr.com/photos/rmb808/. Peace people...."Woman" by John Lennon just came on.......

2nd Post

2007-02-19T17:31:00.000-05:00

Hello. It's nice to see some friends of mine actually visited my blog...Thanks. And thank you for the nice comments. I kinda feel like Doogie Howser typing in my computer like this, but anyway...lol Picked up some frames today to display some of my pics in my art gallery downstairs aka my living room. I went with the Neilsen Bainbridge museum quality frames again. They cost alot, but they are worth every penny. If you feel passionate about what your framing, might as well put it in a frame that says so. These are beautiful frames that are really use in galleries. I figure buy one every once in a while and before you know it you got a bunch of them. I'll have to skip a dinner with Joe and Lou every once in a while, but it'll be worth it. When people see the picture in that frame it brings it out even more.Cheap frames are for old people and people who don't really care about their pics. If your willing to frame it, do it right. If you can't...wait till you can. Just my opinion. I can't tell you how excited I am with my camera and printer. I know it's just for my personal use, but it makes me feel great. I feel if you can't enjoy the things you love now, then how can you enjoy them later when your too old. Time is now, whether it's with a camera, a car or your child. Enjoy it today, cause tomorrow holds no guarantees. I think everyone comes to the realization that....this is it. It might not get any better than this...some of us say fine, others can't cope. We all keep having fantasies about the lottery and what we'd buy, but tomorrow comes and we're back at work. Life is truly what you make it. It's a roller coaster that always evens out. When you get on and off a roller coaster they never board you on the incline or the drop, its always on the leveled part...it always comes back to that. You just got to get on, throw your hands in the air and let the wind take you and hope it doesn't derail anytime soon. Ah shit.....Eria Traka by The Mars Volta just came on my Ipod...now I have to listen to this song at least 7 times. Never get enough of that album. Just found out that Tool is coming down. Definitly have to go to that show. Corey and I went the last time (thanks Tammy for not going and freeing up the ticket) It was an amazing show!! There was a guy next to us who said he traveled to like 10 cities following the band...I wish I had the freedom like that. Just pick up and go, must be nice! Well....oh, and I finally went to the Pickle Barrel on Hillsboro and Dixie Hwy. Been there for like 20 years, never have gone. They are really good. Try them if your ever around there. Maybe it's my new sub shop. Those Publix subs just aren't cutting it...sorry Lou. I also need to get back to the print shop and do some more shirts. I'm gonna put some of them on my flickr site and Joe is working on a web site for me. The line is called REX. I know there are about 2,387 new clothing/t-shirt lines out there, but I figured my friend Gordon has the print shop and all I have to do is help them cleaning screens and pay for my own shirts and I can pretty much do as many shirts as I want. To date I've done like10 different designs. Some cool, some...so so. I know Cisco, I'll send you yours soon. I promise!! They are of diffrent porn stars, my logo and other things i think are cool. And the other plus is that Gordon sells them at his shops on south beach and lauderdale..Uncle Sams Records and CD's. So hopefully they can make some noise. I also want to incorporate some of my photography into my shirts. We'll see. Whatelse.....well I guess thats it for now. If anything pops up worthy of mentioning, I'll post it, and for those of you counting this is #6 on the Mars Vollta song...see :-)

2007-02-18T12:36:00.000-05:00

My first post

2007-02-18T12:04:00.001-05:00

Well I started a blog on my myspace page www.myspace.com/rmb808 I said over there that I might start a "real" one too so here it is! I'm gonna put what I posted over there here as my first post casue......those are basically the same thoughts that I'm still having...lol I'll post more later...Bye...and WELCOME!!

Well, here I go, entering the blog age. I'm just gonna come on here and try to give you some of my day to day things I do and some thoughts. If you enjoy them, great. If you don't G.F.Y! I'm not gonna get too personal on here because....this isn't a diary. It's just somewhere to put down my thoughts. If you wanna talk about something I have posted here, then send me a message, or if you know me, call.

Well, I have recently purchased a new camera (Canon Rebel XTi) and printer (Epson 1800). I could not be happier with these 2 purchases. Anyone that knows me is probably saying...fuck!!! Don't you have like 100 cameras??!!! No, I don't. I only have 7. Four of those being film cameras. So they really don't count..lol. I have a Rolleiflex TLR 3.5, Leica minilux Zoom, Canon ElanII, Rollei E110, Minolta 7s, Canon Rebel XTi and my trusty Leica C-Lux.(Oh shit!! I forgot, I have like 6 Polaroid Land cameras and a Holga...my bad) Well every camera I have is very special to me. I always wanted a digital that captured the "feel" of my Leica Minilux Zoom, but in a digital format. I've come pretty damn close with my
Leica C-lux p&s digital. But I wanted something with more control and being a Canon fan for so long, I looked into the Canon DSLR's. The Rebel fit my bill. Amazing, very pro like specs, and access to the vast aray of Canon lenses. I picked up the very inexpensive 50mm 1.8. AMAZING lens!!! Between my old Canon ElanII and my friend Joe, we have about 5 lenes. So that was another factor for buying a Canon. I "think" I just need maybe 2 more lenes, then I'll be set....(fingers crossed).

Now the Epson 1800.....a beast!! Big, beautiful, matches my Epson 3170 Scanner. I've always used Epson printers, ever since I started using computers on a serious level. Not just for music or porn , but actually printing documents and photographs. Anyone that knows me well knows I love photography!! Very much. As much as I love music, I always wanted to be a photog. That and being a music producer ala Rick Rubin. Versatile! But taking pics is one of my passions. I'm sure it bothers the people around me, taking their pic every few minutes, but I love catching people off guard when they're not expecting it. They're the same ones that say WTF!!! But then, say "Let me see...." I wish I could be Bruce Weber, Terry Richardson and Helmut Newton all rolled into one, but theres a lack of nude models....lol. My girl will only go so far!! LOL But if any of you are willing to let me, I'll give you prints and treat you to a soft serve over at Dairy Queen Oh, and I won't put them on the net...Promise!!! But if any of you want some pics done please let me know, I always love taking shots and I can always use the experience. I'll try to post some of my pics on here. Or maybe one day get a pro account on my flickr...lol. I'll let you know. But I got some on my Flickr page now if you wanna look...http://www.flickr.com/photos/rmb808/. Let me know what you think and if you like, please post comments there. With no comments, it looks like I'm a total loser!! Please add!! Well, when I get a better hang of this I will post pics and links on here. I'm not Joe Lapenna with this thing yet. I might even change it to one of those dedicated Blog sites. Like I said there's no real reason for me to do this, except for to share my thoughts and if you care you'll respond and it could be interesting. Forgive me for any spelling errors as I did not graduate and my typing skills are pretty bad. So bare with me. Well if theres anything else I wanna make you aware about I 'll just get on and say it. Thanks for stopping by, now go outside and play with some one you love....